A few weeks ago, I wrote about casual relationships and how so many people don’t recognise that they’re in one because they see the hallmarks of a relationship, such as being together over a period of time, sleeping together, being introduced to others etc, but they don’t recognise that there are crucial landmarks missing such as commitment, consistency, intimacy, progression and balance.One of the biggest sources of angst from readers is the whole question of starting over, dating again, trusting again, and ultimately knowing if they’re ready for a relationship/to start dating again.It's common for heartbroken individuals to believe that no one else on earth could possibly fill the gap left by the ex-partner.And I have lost count of the number of times that patients have said to me: 'And that's it for me. And no one else will ever love me again.'As I try to point out to them, they can't possibly know that they won't find love again – for the simple reason that they don't have a crystal ball!“I thought the recent strange behaviour and care with his phone was because he was planning a big surprise for our anniversary. “It was too complicated a set of feelings; the fury, the devastation, the rehashing of our lives together in the middle of the night, questioning every lovely moment we’d shared.It was a blur, but I emerged eight months later a stone heavier and feeling like I needed to do something to move on.” So Elizabeth tried online dating and, while she says it certainly had its frustrating moments, after eight months she met Andrew, 51 and they are planning to move in together in time for Christmas.So, if this sounds like you, do try – despite the pain – to be logical, even though you feel your situation is dire.By all means say: 'I feel absolutely awful and totally crushed because I've been dumped.' But don't then add: 'And no one else will ever love me and I am bound to be lonely for ever.' If you do, you're actually just overloading your brain with misery – and it's got enough to cope with already. And how can you start viewing your single status as a fresh and fun opportunity instead of a punishment?
This is why there are so many casual relationships masquerading as full on relationships: Because too many people don’t want to do the emotional work and take enough time to heal from previous relationships and/or get themselves emotionally ready.
The person on the receiving end is like a stopover/layover, or even a rehab. We end up knowing they’re not The One or that the relationship is not for us, but we see benefits to staying in the meantime or fear having to start over.
Maybe we hope to convince ourselves into it being right.
It's no exaggeration to say that heartbreak is probably the worst pain in the world.
No wonder so very many individuals feel that they will never get over it.
Whether it comes out of the blue or is something you’ve been anticipating, being dumped is rarely pleasant.
While for some people it might come as a relief, or be part of an amicable separation; for most the shock and distress that comes from rejection can be difficult to cope with.
“It can feel like you have to start all over again, and the routes you probably used when you were younger might not be open to you anymore.
It doesn’t help that most of your friends are likely to be coupled up, so it’s not uncommon to feel isolated and unsure where to start.
You may want to do anything to get your ex back, or may accept the relationship is over but still feel upset.
Not being part of your ex’s life could make you feel disoriented and lonely.